


Show me

by Lara_the_daydreamer



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Past Abuse, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, True Love, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 04:10:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lara_the_daydreamer/pseuds/Lara_the_daydreamer
Summary: The warlock raised his hand and in a bright flash of blue his glamour slipped away. Alec had to shield his eyes from the bright light. When he looked at his boyfriend again he couldn't hold back the sharp gasp that escaped his throath. Magnus sat still, staring at his shaking hands, tears falling silently from his, now golden, eyes. Alec couldn't move or speak, all he could do was stare in pure shock and disbelief. „W-wha-...I...“ Alec was at a loss of words. „What happened?“ He finally managed to chocke out.





	Show me

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enoy! Sorry for any errors!

Magnus observed his reflection in the mirror. He was always so incredibly confiden, to others he seemed to have no insecurities, no fears, but that was far from the truth and while the man looking back at him from the glass now was indeed handsome that wasn't who Magnus was. Not really. It was all a glamour, you see. A glamour Magnus has been wearing for centuries never once removing it. And it's purpose wasn't just to hide his warlock mark, his amber eyes that resmbled those of a cat. No, he had shown is eyes to a few chosen individuals he trusted wouldn't find them too revolting. This glamour hd far more than a simple mark of what he was. No one knew about it, not even his closest friends like Ragnor, not even Camille and not even his one and only, not even Alexander. Magnus sighed as he studied his reflection and though he was fairly used to it by now he couldn't help but feel like he's looking at a stranger or perhaps and illusion. His skin was tan, smooth, with little to no blemishes but, knowing what lies beneath it, Magnus couldn't help feeling disguisted looking at himself for too long. He barely noticed the silent tears flowing down his face, jet black streams of makeup and pain swilrling down his cheeks like the signature of the darkness in him, a painful poem written across his face to remind him he was worthless, he was nothing, he was broken.  His train of dark thoughts was interrupted by the angelic voice of his Shadowhunter calling out his name, signaling he had come home from yet another mission. Magnus quickly pulled on some clothes and a smile and rushed to greet his lover.

„Hello, darling. How did the mission go?“ Magnus asked after a sweet kiss on the lips. „It was fine, just a few demons.“ Alec replied diving back in for another kiss. Magnus happily obliged and kissed Alexander, fighting back a smile that ended up breaking the kiss far too soon. Alec smiled as well but then, as he pulled away, the Shadowhunter frowned. „Magnus? Have you been crying?“ How could he forget?! His makeup. He forgot to fix it and now the dark streaks on his face and wet smudges around his eyes gave him away. He knew he couldn't deny crying, it was obvious, so he settled for staring at the ground and avoiding the question. „Mags? Come one, babe. Talk to me. Did something happen?“ Alec gently urged him to speak but the warlock kept his gaze fixated on the floor and ignored the Shadowhunter. „Okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.“ Alec, to Magnus' surprise, left the subject alone and instead engulfed his boyfriend in a warm, comforting hug. Magnus nuzzled his head in Alec's shoulder and wraped his arms around the boy's waist soaking in the warmth and love thatw as practically radiating off of the young Shadowhunter. „I'm sorry-...“ Magnus started to apologise but Alec cut him off with a soft kiss. „Don't apologise. You can tell me when you're ready and if you're never ready that's okay too. I'll never push you to talk about things you don't want to talk about. I know you've had a rough past and I respect that. So tell me when and only if you're ready.“ All Magnus could do was stare in absolute adoration at the incredible man in front of him and wonder how the hell he got this lucky. What did he do to deserve the divine creature that was Alexander Lightwood? The answer was nothing. He did nothing to deserve him because he didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve the love and patience he was being showered with on a daily basis by the Shadowhuner. Slowly, tears once again gathered in Magnus' eyes as he thought about Alexander relising he shouldn't have to settle for a warlock and leaving Magnus. Yes, it would hurt but Magnus wouldn't balme him if he left. He blinked furiously trying to chase away the tears with little succes, all of wich didn't escape Alec's perceptive eyes. He saw the doubt flicker across the warlock's face wich then contorted in a look of loathing and digust towards himself. He noticed the tears and Magnus' desperate attempt to hide them and that's when he realised something was really wrong. It wasn't just a sad memory resurfacing or the loss of an older friend perhaps, like Alec had though earlier. This was something far darker and far more dangerous. „Magnus, you're really starting to freak me out.“ He said worriedly. Little did he know that his unfortunate choice of words pushed Magnus over the edge and sent his mind tumbling into a dark, dark place. He watched as the man he always thought of as unbreakable crumbled to pieces before his eyes and fell to his knees with a sob. _„Freak.“ „Monster.“ „Filthy Downworlder.“ „Unworthy.“ „You don't deserve to live.“ „Hide. Hide yourself.“_ Those words echoed in Magnus' mind like poisonous whispers making him want to scream and try desperately to scilence the noise. His head was ringing and echoing with his own self-distructive thoughts and he couldn't crawl back out of the rabbit hole of self-hate and loathing he found himself in. Alec wasn't sure what to do so he kneeled down next to Magnus and pulled his trembling frame into his chest, letting him cry into his shirt and muffle his screams and sobs in his shoulder. „Shhh...It's okay. I'm right here. You'll be okay.“ He cooed in a soft voice, moving his hands in soothing motions across Magnus' back and down his arms. Magnus was coughing and sobbing unable to breathe. „Easy, love. Breathe.“ Alec reminded, tightening his grip around Magnus and pressing a kiss to his temple. „Shhh...breathe. I'm right here with you.“ He repeated an endless amount of times until Magnus' breathing evened out and his sobs subsided to small, barely audiable whimpers. Magnus slowly pulled away and Alec greeted him with a loving smile. „Hey there.“ He greeted when Magnus finally managed to meet his eyes. He placed a warm hand on Magnus' face and wiped away the tears and smudged makeup and then continued to gently caress his cheek and pepper his face with soft pecks. The warlock cracked a small smile at the ticklish sensation. Alec smiled too, proud of his achievement. Magnus felt dazed and utterly exhausted. Alec noticed this so he picked him up bridal style in one swift motion and started making his way to the bedroom. Magnus leaned his head sleepily on Alec's chest and fell asleep in a matter of seconds. Alec glanced down at his sleeping form with a mixture of adoration and worry laced in his features. He placed the warlock gently on the bed and then, after removing his shoes and jeans, crawled in too pulling the covers over both of them. Magnus instinctively cuddled into his chest and Alec put his arms protectively around him, shielding him from the world and all it's pains. But he couldn't protect him form his own mind.

 

The following morning Alec woke up first while Magnus continued sleeping peacefully beside him. Alec watched him for a while admiring his beauty in the rising sun. Magnus' caramel skin shimmered under the soft light and his silky black hair fell messily across his forehead making him that much cuter. This is how Alec loved him most. No fancy outfits, expensive hair products or dramatic makeup. Just Magnus, with messy hair and a fresh face clean of all makeup, his skin smoother than porcelain and his lips softer than the petals of a rose. Every time he saw Magnus, Alec was taken by surprise at the rush of overwhelming love and emotions he felt for the warlock. Absentmindedly, Alec removed a stray strand of hair from Magnus' forehead causing the warlock to stir and slowly open his eyes. „Morning beautiful.“ Alec whispered and Magnus smiled but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes that were more pained then happy. „You wanna tell me what on earth happened last night?“ Alec asked after a moment of hesitation, unsure of how Magnus would react.  Magnus sighed and turned on his back, looking up at the ceiling. Alec saw the panic and anxiety that swirled behind his chocolate brown eyes so he quickly added, „Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.“ Magnus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, composing himself. His eyes stayed closed for a long while, gathering his thoughts and Alec waited patiently, reassuring him by tracing random patterns on his chest in soft, feather-like motions. „Alexander, I've been lying to you.“ Magnus finally managed and Alec glanced up at him with furrowd eyebrows. „About what?“ He questioned. Magnus swallowed thickly and Alec felt his him start trembling. „I need you to promise me something.“ Magnus said shakily. „What?“ „Don't say anything. When I show you. Please. Just leave.“ He said and Alec's eyebrows furrowed further. „I won't lea-...“ „Promise me!“ „Okay. Okay, I promise.“ Alec nodded and Magnus sat up causing him to do the same. Magnus sat motionless for a while, terrified of what he was about to do. „Hey,“ Alec said placing a hand on his shoulder, „Whatever it is you're about to show me I promise you, I swear on the Angel I will not leave.“ He said detimenedly. Magnus chuckled darkly, „Don't be so sure.“ The warlock raised his hand and in a bright flash of blue his glamour slipped away. Alec had to shield his eyes from the bright light. When he looked at his boyfriend again he couldn't hold back the sharp gasp that escaped his throath. Magnus sat still, staring at his shaking hands, tears falling silently from his, now golden, eyes. Alec couldn't move or speak, all he could do was stare in pure shock and disbelief. „W-wha-...I...“ Alec was at a loss of words. „What happened?“ He finally managed to chocke out. „During my time in Edom...my father... developed quite a few....methods of punishment.“ Magnus struggled to say still not meeting Alec's eyes. Alec felt his stomach turn in rage and felt angry tears burning in his throath. When the glamour fell most of Magnus' features remained the same...most of them. His skin was littered with burns and scars and on some places his skin was contorted and morphed into impossible shapes. Being a Shadowhunter meant Alec had seen his fair share of injuries and battle scars, even had some of his own but this, this was torture on a whole nother level. Alec couldn't even begin to imagine how painful all of that must have been. Then something caught his eye. „Magnus, look at me.“ He said, and when the warlock refused, repeated himself sternly. Slowly and with so much fear chocking him and clutching his heart, taking away the ability to breathe, Magnus turned to face him. Alec gasped yet again this time more intrigued than scared. Thin silvery lines spread around the warlock's eyes making their amber color stand out even more. Alec couldn't help but touch the strange marks gently but regreted the decision when the warlock flinched away. „What..what are those?“ He asked and Magnus let out a shaky breath. „They're scars...from when...“ He cut himself of with a whimper, „when...I tried...I tried to carve my eyes out...with a blade designed to turn warlock's into dust if pierced through the heart. My father's invention. That's why they glow like that.“ Alec clasped a hand over his mouth as the first tear out of many fell from his lashes onto his face. He couldn't hold them back and he barely kept himself from sobbing at the thought of Magnus wanting to carve his own eyes out, hating himself so much for what he was. It hurt Alec in ways he didn't know he could be hurt. „You've...you've lived with all..all of that? For this long? And you had to go through it alone, oh god, Magnus I am so sorry!“ Alec exclaimed and Magnus stared at him in confusion. „You...y-you're sorry? For what?“ „For not asking! For not being there for you. I should've asked.“ Alec said, voice filled with regret. „You...you're not repulsed by this?“ Magnus asked adn Alec stared at him like he had just said the single dumbest most unbelievable thing in the universe. „Repulsed? Are you kidding me? Magnus, you're still beautiful.“ Alec said and the sincerity in his voice made Magnus' heart flutter and jump in his chest. Alexander thought he, this, was beautiful? He truly didn't deserve this pure beautiful angel he was blessed with. „I love you, Magnus. Inside and out. Also, don't dare glamour any part of yourlsef in front of me ever again.“ He said and Magnus gasped. „You mean...you don't want me to hide...this?“ Magnus gestured to his battered body and scarred eyelids. „No,“ Alec shook his head, „I don't want you to hide yourself. Ever.“ „I truly don't deserve you.“ Magnus whispered with tears in his eyes, this time those of joy instead of sadness. „You, Magnus Bane, deserve every single thing you ever wish for.“ Alec told him before kissing him passionately. Magnus gasped. Even though they've kissed a thousand times before there was somethig in this kiss so overwhelming, so intense, the amount of emotions that flooded him, struck him like a wave, made him shudder. Alec felt the same thing and Magnus could feel him tremble at the intensity of their lips moving together. Careful not to scare the warlock, Alec moved one of his hands to Magnus' chest. Magnus shivered at the contact but didn't pull away so Alec continued. He traced every scar and imperfection, caressing the bruised skin lovingly. Magnus' couldn't help the soft moan that scaped him at Alec's gentle movements. This gave Alec the chance to break away from Magnus' lips and start peppering kisses down his jawline and neck to his chest. There, he took his time kissing every single line inflicted upon his lover's chest. Magnus let out another quiet moan and a shuddering breath at his actions. Alec travelled back up to meet Magnus' lips in another feverish kiss. „I love you so much.“ Alec whispered. „Show me.“ Magnus whispered back. His voie was hoarse, broken and so, so needy. He needed more than just to hear the words, he needed to feel love, needed to feel Alec. „It would be my pleasure.“ Came the Shadowhunter's reply as he pushed Magnus back on the bed and crawled on top of him. Both of them were too desperat to prolong this too much so Alec quicjly undid the button on Magnus pants and pulled them down in one swift motion, doing the same with the rest of their. Soon there was nothing left between them but the unbareable passion and love lingering in the air surrounding them. After some necessary preparation Alec positioned connected them swiftly, in one quick, fluid swirl of his hips. Both of them gasped at the bare intensity of the moment. Alec made sure to worship every single inch of Magnus' broken body while never taking his eyes of the amber ones staring back at him. „God you're perfect.“ Alec breathed speeding up his movements and making Magnus moan loudly beneath him. Soon Magnus started meeting Alec's thrusts with his own hips, eclicting a loud groan from the back of Alec's throath. Both of them so close to the edge, all they needed was one last push and when their eyes met, Alec mesmerised by the contrast of shimmering silver and burning amber and Magnus entrabced by the calm yet loving and passionate hazel, both men moaned as pleasure rolled off of them in waves making them shudder and shake in eachothers arms. A bright blue light seemed to swallow the room and all they could see, all they could feel was echother. They stayed entangled for a moment regaining their breaths before Alec pulled off and layed down next to Magnus. „I love you so much.“ Alec whispered. A single tear slid down Magnus cheek as he smiled and whispered back, „I love you too.“


End file.
